You know what I learned these past two years? When you’re abused for a long time and I mean abused in any way, whether it be bullying like me, being in a toxic relationship, being abused by your parents or whatever other way, you have to relearn a lot of things. 

I had to relearn what friendships and relationships were supposed to be like, how I thought about others, how I thought about myself, what I was supposed to endure and what was not okay. I had to relearn how to behave around others and how others were to act around me. I had to relearn how to trust and how to love and how to be loved and be trusted. 

But most of all, I had to relearn to be myself and to be good to myself. I did not know how to take care of myself. I didn’t know that it was okay to rest when I wasn’t feeling well or to say no when I didn’t want to do something. All of that I had to learn. I didn’t know what a real friendship was supposed to be like or that it was okay to get some people out of my life if they were not good for me. I had to learn a lot. 

I don’t care what you want to call that, recovery, dealing with it, whatever but it was hard and fuck it still is. There are still days when I think I don’t deserve to be taken care of. And there are still people in my life, family, friends who think that taking care of me like that is nothing but selfish and it’s a struggle. But every day it gets just a little bit easier. And if you’re going through something like this, I just want you to know: you’re not alone and you can do this!

-B.

P.S.: Talk to me anytime if you’re struggling. I’m here for you if you need to talk!

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