so I’ve been gone for a while and I don’t necessarily feel like I owe anyone an explanation but I will give one anyways. For my own as much as for your benefit.
So almost two weeks ago now, I graduated from high school, the exams and course work required for which were the reason for my prolonged absence. It still feels completely unreal. It was a really good day though: I was exhausted, but happy, I was sad to leave everyone but relieved to finally be done with all my exams. My family came to England to be there with me and all my friends were there as we stood side by side taking this one final all important step together. And this meant a lot to me too as there were many times not too long ago when I did not think I would make it to my high school graduation. But now, I honestly do not know how I feel about all of this yet. There has been too much going on and no time to process any of it. I finished exams, I walked up on stage, I also got a certificate for being one of the best students in Science, I threw my graduation hat up in the air, I hugged all my friends, I went to prom, I said goodbye to everyone, I packed up all my stuff and went to London with my parents. And then I thought I was okay with it. Yes, I knew it would be hard to once again leave all my friends and to realistically lose touch with most of them, but I had done it before and I would do it again. I would get through this and I’d wait (not so patiently) for my results to be published.
Then, however, something else happened. And just now, I tried to write it out, to maybe get it off my chest, to maybe get some relief by working through all of it by writing as had worked so many times before. But I realised that it is too soon, too fresh. That maybe I have cried too much in the past three days, that maybe I can’t bear to work through it right now. So I won’t go into specifics right now but rather tell you that it has to do with my younger sister and that I am so scared that something horrible will happen to her, I cannot even begin to explain it. And maybe that’s why I can’t work through it as I have done through previous issues. It’s not about me. There is nothing I can really do other than to try and be there for her in any way I can, even if that means just getting out of her way.
So for now, I’ll try to help her and my parents and I’ll focus on what I wanted to do this summer, which is focusing more on writing and reading and really work hard to get something going in the writing department.
I’ll see you soon!