I look at the world and I see pain and grief and all the other things that keep me from falling asleep at night. I look at the world and instead of seeing all the good, all the friendship and love and happiness and laughter, I see fear and sadness and fights and hate and tears. And instead of changing my perspective, instead of stopping to consider that maybe I am only seeing part of the world, that I am disregarding the good and giving the bad too much credit, I go on as I was before. I don’t accept the help given to me, I break down and instead of feeling happy because so many people were there for me, I put on a fake smile, say I am fine and feel embarrassed for showing how weak I am. I’d like to think that all I’d have to do is to just change my perspective and then all would be fine. But that is, as so many things, easier said than done.
There is a girl I know who sees the opposite. She sees only the good and doesn’t think anything could really ever be as it seems. Yes, she has her ups and downs, her happy and not so happy moments, but overall she sees the positive. She seems happy and carefree, not caring about what could be wrong with her life or anybody elses, thinking that every problem can be solved by just looking the other way. Her life seems like a good life, her smile seems like a real smile, but I can’t help but think that I would never like to be like her. That her perspective just would never quite fit me, that although I would maybe be happier looking at the world the way she does, that I just wouldn’t be me anymore either.