I know that I shouldn’t, but I still do. I know I shouldn’t care, shouldn’t even think about you. It shouldn’t matter what you think of me, but it still does. 

You probably never even waist a thought on me. You probably never even wonder how I’m doing. You probably don’t even care if I’m alive or not. 

But the thing is: I do care. I care about you, although you hurt me so many times. I care about you although I know I shouldn’t. I care about you, although you don’t care about me. 

Because after all you did, after all the pain I felt, after everything I had to go through, I still can’t hate you. 

I don’t know why. I really want to. Hate you, I mean. But I can’t. No matter how hard I try, it always comes back to this one little thing. 

Maybe I just don’t want to be like you. Maybe although you hurt me, I don’t want to do the same. Maybe, altough you might deserve it, I don’t want you to suffer, as I did. Maybe I’m just not that kind of person. 

And although it hurts. Although it might be easier if I was that kind of person, I’m still glad I’m not. Because that way I can at least be sure of one thing: I am a better person than you are. 

And coming down to your level wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t help in any way, it would just mean that I’m no better than you. That I’m just as bad as you made me out to be. And that is definitely not worth it. 

-B. 

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